In a young girl's heart.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

So, I'm blogging here again after one million years. Okay, maybe not.

The reason? I just need to journal this down so that in the future I'll have something tangible to remember how awesome the musical I watched today was.

SPRING AWAKENING, the Singapore version! Put up by Adrian & Tracie Pang's production company Pangdemonium, starring Nathan Hartono and Julia Abueva as Melchior and Wendla.

I don't quite know how to put my experience down in words, but I better try to since it's only been two hours since the show ended and I know if I blog about this another time my memory of it won't be as vivid as it is now.

From the beginning, I realized there were going to be quite a few sexual references (or sexual scenes, more like) since one of the main themes of the story is about how teenagers deal with their raging hormones. And true enough, I believe the first half of the show spoke right to us and we could really relate to it. Even so, being the incredibly conservative person I am, I felt uncomfortable right till the intermission, where I was amazed at how courageous the two leads were because although I do have a passion for acting and the theatre I cannot in this lifetime see myself perform a sex scene on stage. It led me to wonder if I did end up pursuing theatre as a career (I am constantly torn between my passion for performing and my love for life sciences- weird, I know) would I be brave enough to step so far out of my comfort zone and tread beyond this "OB marker" I've unconsciously set up for myself?

I was so uncomfortable, in fact, that when the intermission ended and the second half of the play started, and the Melchior and Wendla had another equally intimate scene I actually said "Again?" out loud, in spite of myself. I didn't think it'd come out of my mouth and I don't know why I just blurted that out haha. So I must applaud the leads for being extremely professional; I guess that's something I'll have to work on if I ever pursue a career in acting in the future.

It was the funeral scene that made me tear up, and Nathan Hartono's Left Behind is by far the most earnest, sincere song I've heard in the whole musical.

But it was the last song that made me feel this emotion I would never forget. Being the last show of its run, some of the cast members came out on stage belting out the song but already beginning to break character and tear up, and I didn't think it was unprofessional at all. Because everyone else saw how much they have become attached to this production, and to each other, and they shared with the audience the bittersweet feeling they had for the production coming to an end. I don't know if anyone in the rows further from the stage could feel it, but I certainly did... I guess sitting in the second row from the front helped haha.

I felt like I understood what they were feeling at that moment perfectly, because I myself have been on stage and been through curtain calls, though not for productions nearly as long as this one- Mostly just school performances and ballet concerts. I know how that sense of satisfaction and achievement feels, and how mixed-up it feels, with the sadness that that was the last time the performance was going to be held but at the same time relief that it was all over and it was successful.

That mixed-up feeling is one of the best I've ever felt, and it might be the very reason why I might choose to venture into theatre or acting in general in the future.

Tonight, I felt that mixed-up emotion together with the cast of Spring Awakening- even though I wasn't the one performing.

11:50 PM

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

So I haven't been blogging here for quite a long time.

Just wanted somewhere to pen down the thoughts that have been bugging me recently, quickly, before anyone else sees me blogging.

Is what we're doing correct? Is it right to keep something from him?

I know it's for my own good, it's for my future. That's what I keep telling myself whenever I feel guilty.

Actually, I don't really feel all that guilty. Because he does things wrongly and if we continue to let him do so and not do anything about it I'm pretty sure my future won't be as bright as I want it to be.

So for my future to be as bright as I want it to be, we have to do this.
He will also want the best for my future, so he will understand why we did this.

He wants the best for my future but is doing things the wrong way. Or maybe he doesn't even care much about my future anymore. It sure seems like it :/

Call it mid-life crisis or whatever, but I honestly think that I have more sense than him sometimes- he's changed quite a lot from before that's why the only logical explanation I can think of is mid-life crisis -.-

And because he doesn't have much sense now, he doesn't realize that what he's doing is wrong. That what he is doing will ultimately lead to negative implications including my future not being as bright as I want it to be.

All I hope for is for him to wisen up, be the adult that this family needs him to be, COME BACK TO HIS SENSES and rectify his mistakes. REALIZE that what he is doing is wrong.

Sigh. I pray for this every night.

12:08 AM

Friday, July 08, 2011

I would appreciate it if people actually took the initiative to read through every single email/sms sent out and clarify with me if there are any doubts! Zzz. Like confused or wtv then don't just stand there and do nothing, come and ask other people lah!

I really really hope this doesnt turn out to be a flop. *crosses fingers*

11:25 PM

So, Midyear Examinations are over and it's time to get back into the hectic school-CCA-homework schedule again. Only this time, i've really gotta work much harder than I did the past half a year if I wanna do well for Promos.

Grades that I've received so far were pretty bad, and I have a long way to go till acing my A levels next year. Realised I need help with maths, so I'm going to sign up for math tuition.
Bio was a humongous disappointment- I took it really badly. Bio was my most confident subject since IP- I didn't need tuition for it, enjoyed learning it, and really felt like it was something I picked up naturally. I didn't get less than an A for bio for my whole two years in IP, so I thought that bio in JC would be okay as well.

So I guess it's because of that that I got complacent and over-confident and didn't practise doing past year papers/tutorials much, just attempted/saw the answers for a handful of questions from the 2010 MYE paper the day before the Bio exam. I guess that's part of the reason why I did badly. Another reason would be because I havent memorized the info as well as I thought I did, and I really don't know how to improve on that because I really did memorize for the Bio exam. I guess I've got to think of a better way for info to remain in my brain. Try to revise regularly after each bio lesson? And make more notes. And practise more, hopefully that will help.

Did worse for Math and Econs, but wasn't expecting to do any better. For math, I just practised doing the tutorials and realised I didn't memorize my formulas well. Tutorial questions are a lot easier than past-year papers, so I think I should practise with past-year papers in the future. Maybe get assessment books to help with drilling the different topics into my head as well. And I need to make sure I know my formulas like the back of my hand, because when I received my exam answer script I realised I either forgot or remembered quite a few formulas wrongly. So there's how I can improve in Math. Hopefully tuition will help with the drilling too.

Now, econs... Sigh. Econs has been my weakest subject since the first half of the year, and I got a single digit for the previous class test so I guess I should be happy that I passed MYE. (And did better for econs than math, surprisingly. But both are still within the same sad-sounding grade, sian ._.) But I don't want to just pass. If I continue scoring badly for econs and just borderline passing, what's going to happen to me next year and more importantly, my A levels? Getting good grades for ALL of my subjects is really important, I can't just abandon one subject. I guess for econs I need to practise more by doing more past-year papers too. And try to revise regularly as well. Econs is the subject I'm worried the most about now... I think if all else fails, I may just drop to H1 econs. I have always sucked at Humanities subjects so...
Argh but I can't just keep having the notion of dropping to H1 as my comfort blanket and not
work harder. Yup, I have to work harder.

Havent received my GP or Chem exam scripts yet, but I'm pretty sure I screwed up GP. So... I have to read more and really WIDEN MY VOCABULARY.

I'm pretty sure I won't be getting an A or even B for any of my subjects. Wow, I really did screw Midyears up didn't I... And yet some of my friends and classmates can get As and Bs for the same subjects I take. That makes me feel stupid, but I know feeling stupid isn't gonna make things any better, so all I can do is improve on my time management and see how I can improve on my studying methods. Study smart, not just study hard.

But I don't know if the changes I'm intending to make to my study methods are changes in the right direction. Will implementing such changes actually help me score better? That's the problem. It's like always a case of trial and error, if the changes to my studying method don't work then I've got to find other improvements. What if I can't make the right improvements in time?

Guess I can only try. How do other people find out what their ideal studying methods are so quickly? Obviously what worked for me in primary and secondary school don't work anymore...

Okay. Time to get back to PW. Targetting to finish EOM by this weekend, start on WR by monday and hand in first draft on Wed because doing the WR will be easier if we do EOM first. Then, I've got to finish my research on the Sri Lankan Civil War for GP, finish Math tutorials and Bio tutorials. Whoa. That's a lot of things to do...

OKAY BETTER GO OFF NOW!

8:44 PM

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Whoa I have neglected my blog for 2 months and a day!

Okay well good stuff and bad stuff have happened, but I remember the good stuff more and the bad stuff just sorta fade away. I'm praying though, that things will get better!

Drama Night 2011: No Handlebars was a success, and I'm proud of myself for having pulled off my first major role in a school production successfully :)
Thanks to all those who supported me either by coming down to watch the show or texting me! Appreciate it. :)
And thanks to everyone who complimented me on my acting, it really means a lot to know that I have finally found something I'm good at :D
For some reason or the other, I wasn't as thrilled as I thought I'd be after Drama Night ended. Don't know why though, maybe it was because we had rehearsed the plays so many times and been on stage quite a number of times as well that performing it one more time wasn't much of a difference- I have no idea why I didn't feel the energy from the audience though!
Probably because the plays I acted in were dramatic and intense and I didn't have any funny bits- I get a whole lot more satisfaction and feel more energized on stage when performing comedic productions, haha.
But it was still really cool getting a main role in a classic play (The Caucasian Chalk Circle) and being part of the chorus for the intense sorrowful Women of Troy! I loved the lighting effects and reciting the morbid poem talking about the Trojan Horse, haha!

Found out on Twitter that the movie Troy was playing on HBO earlier tonight, but I couldn't watch it because I don't subscribe to HBO! :(

The Dramatic Society's next project is Sketch Night Live 2011, and this year's SNL will be different from any other year's- The sketches are all linked to each other so it's just one huge play- each sketch is one scene and the scenes will be performed in different locations around the school! The entire plot is about the murder of a man named Montgomery and it's so cool...
The J1s have the opportunity to sign up to direct some scenes from the play so I signed up! The only downside of the entire thing is that I won't be acting in it though. Bummer. I think the storyline's so cool, it's a mystery- my favourite kind of storyline!
Oh well, I'll be in the promo video for SNL, so it's better than nothing I guess. Even if it is just one line LOL.
Tickets to Sketch Night Live 2011: Montgomery Manor (that's the name of the uber cool production!) are priced at $5 each, half the price of a usual school concert ticket! (And half the price of a ticket to Drama Night!) So it's really affordable!
To any of my friends reading this, GO BUY A TICKET OKAY MONTGOMERY MANOR WILL BE AWESOME! Just wait for the promo video Rishvinder's doing, I believe it will blow you away...
Go to Facebook and search for the page entitled Sketch Night Live 2011: Montgomery Manor for more info! :D

Rish just told the Drama Exco Wannabes today that they'll announce the results of the new exco on Monday night through a video. That is a realllyyyyy unique (and kinda cool!) way of announcing the results, cos it'll just amplify the suspense so much more LOL.

So let's see what I've got on my hands for the rest of the year (at least, what I currently know I'll have on my hands so far) vSparks carnival for Operation Smile, SHINE Youth Festival 2011 (Publicity Committee! :D), Garden In A Bottle, Drama exco stuff if I get in, and not to forget Project Work... Whoa.
But IP has prepared me for such spammages of projects so I believe I'll be able to do the best that I can! GO MEEEE~ ^^
Oh oh and I also got selected for the Switzerland homestay trip this Nov-Dec! Will be staying with a host family in Davos, Switzerland for 2 weeks and then next year our Swiss buddies will be staying with us for 2 weeks!
Kinda afraid of the awkwardness I'll face 24/7 (at least for the first few days), but I think it's an invaluable opportunity for me to learn about another country and to be independent! Probably won't be able to get such opportunities in the future :)

Yep whoa this is a long post, I thought I'd have trouble thinking of stuff to blog about but no I just rattled on and on and on!
Glad that I finished my part of the latest GPP draft and most of the GP tutorial. Need to finish the rest of the GP tutorial & assignment tmr, plus start studying for the bio test next week!

Going to watch Macbeth with Tanya and Yin Shuen tmr! Can't wait :D

11:59 PM

Sunday, March 13, 2011

10:02 PM

Monday, February 21, 2011

HAHAHAHA i was re-reading my old blog posts from when I was P6 and Sec 2...

I talked like an ah lian in p6.

In sec 2, I talked normally but was REALLY blunt. I saw some of the stuff I wrote for/about other people and was like 'whoa... so straightforward.'

10:44 PM

Friday, February 18, 2011

Oh no there's something wrong with my template and I can't get the codes right.

Then again my blog is so old-school I might just decide to create a tumblr...

[edit]

Ooh i managed to fix it!

9:54 PM

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Thank you. (:

For telling me I did a good job, even though I fared the worst and probably would have done better if I had more perseverance.

Your comment made me smile through the veil of self-disgust I was feeling.

12:54 AM

Thursday, February 03, 2011

2:45 PM

My new year so far seems to be filled with important decision-making and deciding how to spend my time this year, because there are just so many things I want to do.

If only I had all the time in the world, I would be able to do everything I want to.

But I don't. It's so hard to make decisions.

2:37 PM

Monday, January 31, 2011

Read this, thought I should learn from it and apply it whenever I come across people I don't like in general.

Try to view things from the other person's perspective.

Thought about it.
Conclusion? Subconscious, not aware. Superficiality in the subconscious mind.
Realised that it happens to me all the time as well.
So I can understand^^

10:14 PM

HAHA just realised this might be a good moment to start singing Kanye West's Stronger (aka our IP SYF 2009 dance song!) but yeah it reminds me too much of the weird choreography we had.

9:40 PM

Apologies for abandoning this blog for so long.

Anyway, ever since the new year began, I went for a 4-day OBS camp at Pulau Ubin with the rest of the IP cohort, met my new schoolmates from mainstream secondary schools and had orientation, and went for the NYC Recruitment Camp 2011!

Pretty eventful eh^^

OBS was alright I guess, but I really didn't sleep well at night cos the tents were gross and the ground super uneven. But on hindsight I feel a sense of achievement at all the obstacles I conquered (save for the double ladder thingy which I really feel like such a failure at cos I only reached the third log while everyone else managed to climb to the top! :X)- Kayaking 10km, hiking 3km with a haversack that's filled with camp equipment (eg sleeping bag, dirty gross + super heavy poncho)... The haversack was heavier than Tzuki man, I think I shrank by an inch carrying that bag haha.

Orientation was fun! The people in my OG are really nice, especially the girls! We've always got so much to talk about and yet we've only known each other for like what, 3 days!?
So sad we don't have JC orientation anymore :( We're all split into our different classes and having class orientation for the next two days instead.

For my new class, well... I'm really fortunate to have Joey, Clarissa, Mel (from my OG! :D) and the other IPs in my class! Started worrying about something which everyone is telling me I'm thinking too much about, so I'm going to just relax and not worry so much because after all it's only the first day of school, I can't tell what's going to happen.

A bit down these few days, but I am determined to make myself happy because this is my life and I'm not just going to sit around waiting for things to happen! I will get through this, and come out stronger! I'm going to be like coffee beans and turn my obstacles into something good:D

Really need to improve my vocab LOL.

Can't help but feel stressed after hearing what my CT said today about JC school life! It seems like such a huge gigantic leap from secondary school/IP!

Anyhoo. I WILL DO MY BEST.

COME OUT STRONGER, TOUGHER, HAPPIER, MORE POSITIVE.

Go me~

9:26 PM

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I've learnt something today:

Never judge a book by its cover.

I probably have seen that phrase a million times and thought that I don't do that, but I just realised I've been doing that all along.

I feel enlightened. And I feel that I really need to improve my vocabulary...

**************************************************************
I feel so amazed and inspired.

9:38 PM